No silly, not Franklin Graham's book. Although it was a pretty good book, especially when you consider I purchased it for 50 cents at the overpriced book resellers.
The Name of the blog. All is explained (o k not all. There would be no reason to continue to blog if all was explained here and now and that would defeat the whole purpose I had in finally caving to blogging in the first place.). (Sorry, I got carried away.) Why am I apologizing!! It's my blog! My mom has recently brought to my attention that I apologize for everything. I have never paid attention, but you know, now that she has mentioned it - she does have a point. O K, I'm done. Back to The Name.
Z and I are total opposites. When we met, he was tall, but not tall enough to be lanky, at 6' and 175 lbs, a fair-skinned blond (I didn't know it was bleached out from all his perms), and a sexy little mustache. On the other hand, I am a shorty with then dark hair and olive complected and enough curves to have been considered meaty by some. (O K we are not total opposites as I also sport a little mustache, though it isn't generally considered sexy).
Here are SOME of the differences--
A- Z
Avid reader- Movie buff
Techno-phobe- Tech wienie
Food lover- Eats to live
Cars-transportation- Cars-the stuff of fantasy
I won't bore you further.
I think you get the picture.
Anyway, one of the most striking differences (and most hurtful for me) is that while Z isn't exactly an atheist, he has no interest in exploring or even admitting to the spiritual aspects of his existence. I don't know much, but I know I love Him, and I know that without Him, His Word, His Son, and His Spirit that I am only base chemicals, with base desires, selfish intentions, and a numb heart.
I have learned lately that putting the Word into action in my life in acts of obedience is helping to lessen the deadening my heart has experienced and He is binding together my heart and my mind to make me a complete person again.
There are scars though.
Aren't there always when a major surgery is involved? And the scars make me different from the person He created me to be, but He is able to use me nonetheless, so He gently keeps cleaning out the wounds, sewing, and binding them up- some that are self-inflicted for sure (ok most of them self-inflicted) and those that weren't.
I would love to be able to share this with Z, but for many reasons, I am not able to.
Z needs major surgery. His spirit is so depleted, and his attitude so defeated, it amazes me that he gets through the day. It amazes him too. But he is tired.
Of living.
And that scares me on so many levels. He is not actively seeking death, and he is not the adrenaline junkie he was when we first met, but in every other way possible he is trying to make sure he will not be around much longer. There are things from his past that I am certain have tainted his views, deadened his heart, and poisoned his hopes. But I know that doesn't make a difference, because my God cares, and He is able to take the pieces of what I, Z, or anyone else gives Him to gently recreate the person He created us to be in the first place, alive with joy and sorrow, overwhelmed with emotions long buried, but knowing this was part of the plan, and He is there close-by when it gets to be too much.
I pray one of these days I can talk to Z about these things that are on my heart and mind so much. The Alpha and Omega.
But we are opposites. Oil and water. Fire and ice. As A is to Z.
Hence, the Name.
A
